You must do it afraid.
In our household recently there has been a lot of talk about fear. As parents, my husband and I have entered into the era of teenage wasteland with our children. They are overly confident and scared of everything. Two walking oxymorons full of hormones, attitude, love, and questions. This time in their lives has taken me back to what it was like when I was their age. Long ago as it was, I can acutely remember the conflicting voices of wanting to be an individual and wanting to fit in all at the same time. I have found myself revisiting awkward memories of a young teen girl who was firmly convinced she was born in the wrong decade yet fully embracing the 90s culture scene with all her might. My grunge flannels and JNCO jeans would clearly tell any onlooker just how cool I was because I listened to Nirvana and Offspring on my Walkman. Was I telling anyone that I secretly still played with Barbie dolls until I was about 14? Absolutely not. My image would have been destroyed!
Now, I’m seeing my son navigate his way through the same waters of insecurities, and one thing remains the same for him, as it did for me all those years ago…he’s scared shitless about who he is and how he wants to present himself to the world. Fear seems to be the underlying issue of each decision he makes. If this, then that. What if that happens, then what next, and after that, then after that, and so on.
One thing I wish to get across to him is that we’re all scared. No matter how old we get. There’s always some new avenue to explore, some challenge to overcome, some thought that nags you in the back of your mind. Am I enough? Will I be good enough for my friends? For my love? For my family?
Sometimes fear does not subside and must do it afraid. Whatever that IT happens to be. Asking out a crush for the first time. Holding his or her hand. A first kiss. Making that tackle in football. Giving a testimony at youth group. Trying a new style of clothes, because you’ve discovered another side of yourself you didn’t know existed. Taking an exam. And doing all these things with the thought in mind that you could be rejected. The irony of it all, is you probably will be more times than you won’t.
Now that we’ve identified the fear, our conversations are turning into what to do with it. How to live with fear, not as your enemy but as fuel to try again. To think of fear as experience, not failure. You can never experience anything if you’re too scared to try. And if you try and fail, then gain experience, have you really lost? Have you really failed? Of course not. You try again with experience as your sage, wiser and more in tune with who you are and what you want, and even more importantly what you don’t want out of this life.
This piece I made is for Jacob. It’s a bit more masculine than most pieces I do. Since he was a young lad, he’s been obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, which has developed into a bit more “teen” obsession with the band Twenty-One Pilots. I chose the colors with these interests of him in mind. The image in the middle represents him, or any teen really, and the explosive over-thinking that seems to constantly wreak havoc in a young person’s psyche. The shark below is the devils fear they feel swimming furiously towards them ready to leap from the water and pull them under the current at any moment. The fire to the left depicts a wrong turn or lack of judgement from listening too hard and long to worldly advice. The opposing corners with the soft bubbles and the verse underneath show the safe places a teenager can take refuge in from all the chaos.
The verse is one I had printed for Jacob when he was a baby. It still hangs above his bed, and what I hope is a reminder that he has friends in other worldly realms fighting for him even when he is unaware.
“And Jacob went on his way, and the angels of God met him.” Genesis 32:1
Don’t forget, baby boy, you’re always looked after. Sometimes the fear does not subside, and you must do it afraid.
🎶“Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy”🎶
~John Lennon
