What have you decided?
When we are young, we are so blissfully ignorant of life that we are certain we have it all figured out. No advice needed, thank you very much! I vividly remember the days of being wild and free. The tweens, the teens, and so on. Somewhere in there, mid-twenties or so, the real world starts to take its toll and life says, “Hey! Try and catch this curveball!” (Insert maniacal laugh, here.) BAM!!!! You get hit right upside the head with some crazy situation or circumstance you thought was a good idea, which turns out to be quite the opposite. Can anyone relate??
While I have a few juicy stories of my own I could share with you, this journal entry is not about what happened in the past, but actually the act of taking responsibility FOR IT, and deciding that the type of person you WERE is not the person you actually want to be. And isn’t that the bitch of it all? The taking responsibility part? The swallowing of the pride and admitting that in actuality you DIDN’T have it all figured out and the decisions you made were wholly self-serving, yet wound up NOT being in your best interest after all. WHEW! In the words of Alanis Morisette, “What a jagged little pill.”
What a ride! Am I right!? I would imagine that anyone reading this has one or two or 5 or 6 regrets that come to the forefront of your mind without any coaxing whatsoever. 😂 I know I do! Now, we can look back and say, yep, shouldn’t have done that! But let’s contemplate this for a moment. What if you hadn’t made those big “mistakes”. Who would you be today? How would you know what you DON’T want in your life, if you hadn’t experienced this, that, and the other? Would you be as funny as you are, with your twisted sense of humor? 😉 Would you be as sympathetic to your children? Your parents? Would you treat your health with the same regard? Would you be financially responsible? Would you know who to trust? Would you have any level of discernment concerning spiritual battles? Would you be proud or humble? Would you be generous or greedy? The list goes on and on…
Without a few big helpings of humble pie, it’s impossible to see that the world does not revolve around us, but that we are all in this together. I cannot speak for you, but as for me, I now know that I will not be a doormat. I will listen to my female intuition instead of squelching it silent. I will understand my body is a precious gift, not to be abused by alcohol, lack of sleep, or endless amounts of processed junk. I will not take for granted friends who have been put in my path. I will not be afraid to dance. I will not be afraid to speak. I will not be afraid to paint. I will not be afraid to write. I will not be afraid to change my mind when my gut is crying out that darkness lurks. I will not make decisions based solely on emotion, because those fluctuate and change. I will not be prideful. I will say I’m sorry, when I’m wrong. I will hold my son accountable for his actions. I will stand strong in my faith.
Sometimes deciding who you are is deciding who you’ll never be again. I wonder who I’ll decide to be in another 40 years… ✨🤔
What have you decided?
